I am morbid. Enough so to make my mother first laugh, then worry about me. A lot. Usually poking me with her toe at some point too. As, for whatever reason, I tend to be morbid while sitting on the floor.

This is why I am morbid:

"Keep your chin up!"
"Why? So that if anyone is trying to kill me my neck is more vulnerable to their lovely knives?"

"What are you up to, dear?"
"Dying. So are you. Wait... We died a little bit more. Oh, closer to death now! Closer, closer!!"

She says I used to be extremely optimistic. Like a little rainbow unicorn on happy pills. Ironic, since I wrote a poem about how unicorns are secretly these epic warriors who will slice your brains apart if you mess with them. When I was a wee lass I would skip around singing about how happy everything was - outside of bathtime. Then I wasn't any sort of happy at all until I had escaped the clutches of the Evil Mom who wanted me to Bathe. - and I would go around encouraging the butts off people. I's go up to random strangers and say "hello" and tell them what a good day it was.

"I'm not sure what happened to you, you weirdo," said The Mother of Niceness. I mean, I'm morbid, but I'm not that bad. I guess she just thinks it would be normal for an eighteen year old go skipping around trailing sparkles. Wait. No. I didn't say that. That would mean I would have to be a Meyer Vampire.

Oh, vampires. A four-year old the other day decided I was a Vampire. It was pretty adorable. Especially when he rolled up his sleeves, gave me this incredibly devilish grin, declared himself a werewolf and let me know he can bring it. And I did. Full-scale Vampire worthy tickle-attack. Then another person came in and he went running behind her squealing "Vampire! Vampire! Check the teeth!"

So, yup. I'm Little Miss Morbid Vampire over here.

Life

I have been trying to write. But lately the only time I can get anything out is during class. That leaves me maybe ten minutes three days a week. Not very productive. I could write more, but seeing as how I am paying to go to college (Okay, my aunt is paying, but money is being paid that could be used elsewhere), paying attention in class is a Smart Idea. Thankfully, English 101 is teaching stuff that I know better than the back of my hand. So while everyone is learning about hyperboles and what exactly a semi-colon is, I am trying not to cry because, once again, Dave is telling me stuff at the Worst Possible Time Possible. 

(Random: Why are there so many ads on YouTube. Guys, I just want to watch a video. Pizza Hut can go shove a pie up its butt.)

Speaking of shoving stuff up where the sun don't shine, this guy in a local gang was pulled over by the cops for speeding. They checked the car for drugs, found nothing. Turns out the driver had a traffic warrant  - whatever that is - so he was brought down to the station. One hundred bags of heroin were found up his butt-hole. 1 - What made the police look up there? 2 - Did he need help doing that? 3 - Don't do drugs. You never know where exactly they come from. Like up a butt. Or, apparently, other... places.

Anyway, that wasn't the point of this. Not that I had a point. I am not a pencil after all. (But I am not a circle, so maybe I do have a point?)

If you are not laughing, go, just go home.

 I walk around without shoes. All the time. So, this just touches a certain part of my heart. Like when a boy at my church overheard someone saying I was barefoot, tugged on her shirt and let her know "Autumn never wears shoes to church. The first time I saw her shoes was last week. That was only because of the snow on the ground."

Puns are great, by the way. This guy I know loves them and made me Pun Battle him one night. Now, I failed at it, but I was laughing so hard, it was worth it. Especially when he began using Star Wars pick up lines on me. I very nearly asked him to marry me. Except not, cause that would be weird. And illegal. Since he's a minor and I'm, well, not. (Do you know how strange that is?? I'm not a minor anymore. *runs and hides*)

One of my characters likes puns. The problem with him is, I actually have to write his stuff. It doesn't just come to me. So I sit there going... um... Puns. Puns puns puns puns punsssssssss. What to doooo? And then abandon writing. Complete laziness on my part.



Back to what I started way at the beginning (before puns and um... the cat)... I can't write much right now. Buuuuuttttt... I found a semi-solution!! Semi because it isn't a solution, but it does still count as working on writing. I will research France in the 1500's. Look up German drinking songs. Find a way to travel to the desert/Antarctica. Figure out a working Timeline. Focus on History class, and thus the Spakes. And, finally, really get to know the characters. Their quirks and speech patterns, what they wear, the music they listen to, quotes they like. Stuff like that. Which should be fun and reallly realllyyyy helpful.

Things I have learned so far:

1. Lukesh is an author. So, not only is this guy super attractive and adorkable, but he writes. *swoons* Too bad he is the father of dear Cleo.

2. Dave's mom does random stuff like sprinkle spices in his hair to let him know he needs a haircut.

3. Jedidiah LOVES Star Wars. So some goth chick called him Jedi.

4. Ray can't stand the smell of horses. Elaine constantly makes him ride just because of that.

And...

5. Sage told her grandmother that she was going to grow up to be a prostitute. (Don't worry. She grew up to destroy the world in stead. In the name of love of course!)

WEll, bye!

Follow Up Blog

Last post I ranted about Boyfriends. I had my knickers in a twist over last year's valentine's day Fail. Silly me. (I would just like to say the hormone Cranky was coursing through my system that week.) Or, maybe not so silly me. Here is why.

A week before Valentine's day (the day after my post, heh heh), I announce that my FSM will be my Valentine and we will window shop to show our love for each other. And get rid of currently unused gift cards that need some usage. The Boy gets upset. He wanted to ask me for the day. Two days later *cue big heave of the shoulders* I give in. Smart decision actually as....

February 14th. I get out of work and walk to the familiar beat up car. He emerges, hugs abound (hey, hugs are lovely things.), and then he opens the passenger door and I gasp.

Arranged around my seat are these:

Gummy worms. Possibly one of my all time favorite snack/treat things. Well, anything gummy really. Gummy worms, gummy bears, fruit snacks. All wonderful.

In their package. Not running free all over the car.

 Lindt Dark Chocolate. A whole bag of the chocolatey goodness. I loooooovvvveeee this stuff.
 

 A pan of brownies. That he made. With chocolate chips. Not just in the brownies but on top and all melty wonderful cause they were fresh and hot and *groan of yummy satisfaction*. With this thing we made up one day out of boredom - a combination of our initials. Really cheesy and stupid/silly, but it was cute.

AW and JF. And yes, we spent time doing this. Not sure how I got involved, but I did.

York Patties in heart shapes in a heart-shaped package. Now, nothing special, except that we used to get York patties whenever we hung out. We'd sneak off and eat that minty goodness and annoy the heck out of people. And that is why they thought we were going out before we actually were. Because of those darn York patties.


A dozen red roses. "For my Rosie" said the little tag/note thing. (Yeah. Rosie. Nickname. The sole nickname I have ever had. Only used by my cousin and him. Weird combination)
 

A card that was hilarious for the sole reason that there was a curse-word and he never and I mean never curses. But that's mine to keep. So that's all you guys will know.
And. Last, but certainly not least. The reason why he told me I HAVE to give him my whole day and possibly Friday morning.
Two tickets were sticking out of the glove compartment for....!!!!
 

Oh. Freaking. Yes.

Aaron Gillispie wasn't at the one we went to =(

BUT Fiction Family was (Sean Watkins reminded me of Sam Gamgee for some reason. I really wanted to ask him if he is secretly a Hobbit. But he was kinda onstage singing while I was, well, NOT.). I love Fiction Family. Love love love. Very unsurprising as Jon Foreman is involved and anything musical he touches is pretty awesome. Not that the band is just him. I'm just saying.

The other bands were great too.

The Lone Bellows were amazing. I bought their CD and got to meet them. The one guy was really sweet and had this adorable Southern accent. When onstage his playing was so intense and his voice was perrrrtttyyy. All their voices were perrrtttyyy though. And the other guy, the Main one, informed me that he had a high school girlfriend with the same name as me. I just nodded and laughed cause um - how does one respond to that??

Now, Now was great too. Warning, though, their voices are sooo much pretty in concert than on the CD.

Anis Mojgani. The Spoken Word dude. I wanted to marry his voice. Ex-cell-ent stuff.

The venue was amazing too. Really small - I was ten feet (tops) from the stage. They had a place to hang coats, which blew me away. And... it was in BOSTON!!!! I got to go out of state to a City and die over the architecture. I will wind up cheating on NYC with Boston. They had these really cool curvy buildings that made me want to go to Boston University just for those.

And. In all that awesomeness, I got nothing for the Boy. I am lame.

Then, I realized. I gave him the gift of reading. The next day I accidentally left a library book in his car. He was waiting for me for an hour (I gots distracted on my way out of class) and picked up the book. I have now created a reading FIEND. He even ignored me to read. A Pride and Prejudice retelling, which made it even better. So now, whenever he sees me he asks for a book. Doesn't matter the genre, he just wants a book.

Being able to share a love of reading definitely counts as a Valentine's Day present. And an every other day present, too.

P.S.

What Boyfriends SHOULD be Good For (But, unfortunately, aren't)

Valentine's Day is around the corner (Okay, not really. I think the librarian I crushed on when I was 13 is around the corner, but that is beside the point). That means LOVE.

 

If I were a cat, that would be me exactly. But, I'm not a cat. I'm a human. So I don't look absolutely adorable while making that face. And because I am a girl and have a Person I am supposed to look like this:

Hahahaha. No. Never. Not once did I look like that because valentine's day was approaching.

Last year I kinda almost got excited - until my plan got ruined.

The Plan: First year with a Boy Person. Whatever. To be totally anti-valentine's day as per usual, I wanted to break up the day before Valentine's Day and get back together the day after, and thus be single on the day of love. And my FSM (friend soul mate) could totally be my valentine. Or my Mango could be, as that's just how things go down. But No. The Boy had to get all upset at the very idea of breaking up - even for on day.

Plan ruined.

So, obviously he had something planned, right? Nope. He texted me the day before to let me know that he can't hang out (yeah. That was the big maybe plan), there's a concert in the city. He took his brother.

So. In honor of him and that memory....  Even though it took a while to get here....

Things Boyfriends SHOULD be Good for but AREN'T

1.) Making you like Valentine's Day
     If you forgot why I'm saying this, go take a walk with ducks and steal some of their memory. You need it. But, really, for someone who HATES valentine's day, having a boyfriend should at least make it bearable. But, that's what best friends are for. She will call you up and serenade you with your favorite songs and recite poetry to you while your boyfriend is taking his brother to a concert.

2.)Taking you to IHOP when there are free pancakes and you will whack off an old woman and steal her keys just to get those free pancakes
    Oh, yeah, Happy National Pancake Day! On National Pancake Day, there should be a law: Boys, take your girls out. The food is freeeee. But, alas, alack, how few boyfriends actually do this. (okay, maybe most do. I'm assuming right now that everyone has really bad boyfriends. For you who have awesome amazing boyfriends, enjoy your pancakes!)

3.) Romantic Walks in the Snow
   As in, when it is snowing out and if you like snow, he says "Let's go for a walk (preferably in the woods)" and it's all pretty and awesome and like a movie. Instead, you say, "let's go for a walk" and he says "It's cold out" or "I'm hungry" or, even better, "I'm late to meet up with (insert name of the male friend you refer to as his Boyfriend)".

4.) Flowers
    Ha haha hahaha. Yeah. Right. No matter how many times eyebrows are waggled, flowers are never in his hand.

5.) To Read the Guy Perspectives You Write
    Really. I was really excited when we began going out - I finally had a guy to critique Dave's stuff. That was what I needed, he's my Person, it should work, right? Uh, no. So warning girls, guys are stupid and like video games better. Unless you have Mr. Freaking Perfect. In that case, lend him to me, please? Just for a week. For Dave's sake.

6.) Helping you figure out what to wear
    So cliche, but most chicks do try to make guys do this, so I'm putting it up there

7.) Taking you to the Ren Faire
    My boy actually did this, by the way. But most guys roll their eyes at this. So, look for a guy who will go and put up with you squealing over the leather notebooks and ink pens.

8.) Talking Books
    You read a great book, you wanna share it with someone, right? If there is a great love story and you actually like the love triangle, good luck getting your boyfriend to share your delight.

9.) Taking you to see Les Mes
   This may be over a month since the movie came out, but oh well. That's what boyfriend's should do. Instead they complain and make faces and don't understand why you want to listen to people singing for hours. VERY disappointing.

And last but not least in a ridiculous rant against boyfriends that I decided to subject my blog to...

10.) For Understanding Those Days When All You Want To do is Eat and Eat and EAT
    I mean, really, he's a BOYfriend. Boy. As in "I love to stuff my face whenever possible". You'd think they understand those days when food is amazing amazing amazing. Nope.

What his face looks like when I am SUPER hungry (not really, but close)

But, then there are times when school was really stressful and he appears with a bag of chocolate or the milkshake you were craving and ready to kill for and it's all okay.

Ramble Ramble Ramble

I have officially made it through three days of classes. And I might have gotten asked out too, but, seeing as how I am socially illiterate, I'm not sure. And it only occurred to me after I said bye to the dude that Whoa, I think he just asked me out. And I said that, yes, we could totally catch a movie sometime. And wait, I have a Boy, who I don't think is a fan of polygamy. Especially if his girlfriend would be the one practicing it. And, well, I don't really like the guy like that. 

Which is funny since he is way more like how I imagined the perfect guy to be than The Boy is. If I made a chart of ways they compare, The Dude would seemingly beat out The Boy. 

Seemingly.

In truth The Boy wins.

Anyway. I'm not sure what the anyway is. But, when working with little kids (or even just babysitting them), be prepared to hear every time there is pen on your hand, especially red pen, "What is on your hand?" Or, in the case of the red pen, "Are you hurt?" Unless that's just me.   

 

According to Google Images, those scarves are "Good Stuff". They are Sushi and Eggs & Bacon scarves. Foods that I am not a fan of, but in scarf form, I approve.

Don't look up "Cool Beans". Just don't. Cause Google is stupid and people are stupid and Google doesn't realize what is nudity. Have the filter on, but whoa, naked peoples. Not fun.

Oh. Wait. I'm supposed to be looking up stuff for English. Not staring at awesomely funky scarves and wanting to make some candy sushi - the only kind of sushi I will eat. But there's no food in the library and I have not money to go looking for some at any place selling food that is within walking distance. I guess that I should just concentrate on my work. Listen to the darn recordings about people's lives. But, but, I want candy sushi. And to waste my time on a totally stupid blog post. The whole point of which is to put off listening to those darn recordings.


  Homework it is. *walks away muttering to self about the stupidity of life and a sad lack of funky scarves*

I am a Saltine Cracker

Today, driving with my mom to work, I was able to text my friend. We were both "bland". So she called us Saltine Crackers. 

I now feel like a Soggy Saltine Cracker. But not a beautiful, I am in Soup like I belong, soggy. Oh no. Some bratty little kid decided to kick me into a muddy puddle Soggy. Fuuunnn stuff.

I blame this all on college. Or Life and College. 

See, I want to start college now. Get a move on with my life and stop sitting at home reading all day (not that that's bad. I just want some math problems to do.). So, sent in my application for Spring Semester at a nearby community college. So, going in  to set everything up - awesome!!

Until.... The night before, I realize... I WANT TO GO AWAY FOR COLLEGE!!!!! Like, next fall (and, yes, I just used "like" inappropriately. That is what happens when you are a soggy saltine. Try it some time and watch how abused "like" becomes). Well, does it make any sense to start community college right now then and waste precious financial aide? I already have so little of it as is. 

That alone is annoying. Okay government, thank you for telling me that my dad's last job was enough to pay for my college now. He has a new job with less money. And he wasn't going to give me any money anyway. Dear government, when you ASSUME things, you just make a ass of you and me (since i look like one for being so mad). 

So Soggy Saltine Cracker over here has had college EXPLODE all over her. 

 

And I'm not all happy like this guy (Orlando Bloom it may be under all that sliiiiimmmmeeee). I'm sitting there glaring and pouting. Like this....

Only not as cute. Or so I think. I may look that cute and be taken not-seriously at all as I sit there and glare and pout. And I may throw some shoes while I'm at it.

Oh. funny story. I was throwing shoes. All of my shoes. Starting with my lethal pair of sparkly pink stilettos.  Then my less-lethal pair of glittery silver heels. Then my thick-heeled boots. Then my combat boots. That aren't really combat boots, but I love them anyway. Then my sneakers. Then finally my fake Toms. The ones that are practically slippers. See --------------------->>>

But mine are wimpier. THOSE are the ones that put a hole in my door. Not any of the lethal heels. Nope. My slipper shoes. 

I guess that being a Soggy Saltine Cracker adds Super Strength to Slipper Shoes (probably just for the alliteration). So watch out for those Soggy Saltines!

I Am Stranded

Christmas came! And passed. Much too quickly. I'm somewhat upset about not being able to go around singing Christmas Carols at the top of my lungs without getting strange looks from people. But it is rather nice to not feel guilty about listening to music that is not Christmas themed. So I am pulling out my favorite bands again. Dr. Dog, Cold War Kids, Anberlin, Switchfoot - it's fantastic. And, at the moment, binging on folk music.


But, as happy as that makes me, I want to go home. See, the thing is, I'm stranded. Stuck might be more accurate a word, but Oh Well. Half way through Christmas day (while I was in the process of writing down all of the publishers belonging to my books), The Boy showed up to take me to his house. We winded up playing Scattegories and Apples to Apples until one in the morning. Which meant that my ride home was mucho tired and I got to stay the night. Cool, okay, I can crash here.

Then, today, it begins snowing while he was at work. I had stayed so that he could take me out shopping for something after work. Now, we live an hour away from each other, so, when snow began coming down, and his parents who used to live in a snowless Florida began freaking out... I was doomed to stay. So here I am, wanting to go home and paint.

So instead I blog. Brilliant, I know. But since I was on the computer playing on Youtube anyway, I figured, why not.





This is what I am listening to, by the way. Good stuff. But not the song I was looking for. Merrrrrr.......

You know, I could be productive and write something. Or read the book sitting in my bag that I NEED to finish. But wait, BAHAHAHA. Me? Do something productive? Nahhhhh. That's silly. (Remember, I like to procrastinate.Being productive is as likely to happen as me having musical ability is. Possible, but not too probable)

I just realized, I am the only girl in this house. Besides the mom. Three boys. No wonder I feel like I'm going slightly insane. Too much testosterone. Which is not sexist by the way. Too much estrogen makes me really tired and worn out.Video games and angry games of Monopoly and really weird singing... Yeah. Not stuff I am that used to. For various reasons, but still. It's getting to me.

The snow is really pretty though!! I want to go out and play in it! One problem though. I came here wearing fake Toms shoes, so I might as well go out barefoot. Lovely. We tried to solve the lack of snow stuff problem with fun results. The one Bro, I fit in his jeans.

Nothing too special, right? He is probably a foot taller than me and not exactly fat. I'm short and my love of food shows. But, buuuutttttt.... His pants fit me. Perfectly. It's wonderful! My own pants are so much long -

Bro #2 is singing Hannah Montana. And Dancing. This is hilarious, guys. I wish I could show you. He even has a hairbrush.

I think I will now be social and stop talking to people that, well, I can't see. Not even sure you are actually reading this. And if you actually are Hello =) But, goodbye! I'm off!