Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Having to be an Adult. And Failing.

I have decided I hate the age of 18. I will probably hate 19 and 20 for the same reasons.

All summed up: I'm a teenager and an adult at the same time. "Have fun, live your life, be reckless and stupid while you can!" on one hand. On the other... "You're an adult now. Be mature. Know what you are doing with your life. Stop making mistakes. And ohmygoodness, stop acting like a child."

I kinda want to go around kicking all the people who expect me to suddenly Have It All Together. Sure, it's months into being 18, but I'm still just as confused as before. More actually. Pre-"Adult" Me knew what she was doing. "I'm going to try to transfer to Fordham for psychology and theatre after two years at community college." Right there, pretty simple.

Now: "Erm... I think I'll minor in theatre? Maybe? Um... Listen. Okay. I'm just hoping to NOT fail my road test again. We'll see about the rest of my life once I know how to NOT hit the curb, okay? Okay. Now, leave me alone." Then I make some disgruntled face and stomp away. Obviously, I am very Adult.

My lack of Adult-ness becomes the most apparent to me at work.

Scenario 1: The kids are playing with Legos
        Whenever anyone else goes to the table: "Guys, no shooting the guns. ____ don't grab. etc etc."
         When I go to the Table: *digs through the container looking for Indiana Jones. Enslaves the Little Children to build a Temple and Create an Army. Noises resembling Mass Destruction.* *Pulls out Darth Vador* "Luke, I am your father!" *lightsaber sounds*

Scenario 2: Playground Time
         Everyone Else: *Stands by and watches. Scolds "wild" kids*
         Me:  "I'll race you to the slide!" *forms an obstacle course*

Scenario 3: Difficult Child
         Everyone Else: "_____, stop it! Don't hit/punch/kick/make raspberries/yell/whatevertheheckyouaredoingatthemoment
         Me: (in head) I will NOT lick him. I will NOT sit on him. I will NOT engage in similar activities like the bratty older sibling I am. And I will NOT threaten to  lock him in a cabinet.
        Admittedly, not the best reaction to begin with, but I have five younger siblings and have thus come up with various ways to respond to an Evil Younger Child. I just used the basement instead of a cabinet. Which worked very well. My sister never hit me again after that.
Something I would just LOVE to do some days

Then comes school. College. Big People (I feel Extremely Young whenever I walk into a room).

Most people can sit there and sit still and have good posture. Unless I am falling asleep, I am bouncing around in my seat or kicking my feet or rearranging myself on the seat challenging the known ways a human body sit on that tiny of an amount of space. If I were a preschooler, I would be in a class for kids with behavioral issues.

And you know what? I like it this way. I have fun at my job because of it. I am entertained easily and thus rarely bored (except when I am stuck at the library and WILL NOT be satisfied until I lie on the floor and begin chanting). I don't need to spend money to have tons of fun. Sure, I have no idea where my life is going. I can't sit down with anyone and say "Okay. Advise me." because what is there to advise without laying my whole life out for me? And God only knows how I would rebel against that. And that's fine. It's awesome actually.

Maybe I'll go off and be a Lost Girl in Never Never Land. I'll fight pirates with Peter Pan (and teach him some manners in the process), join the Indian pow-wows, and maybe, just maybe, get a little bratty fairy/pixie of my own.



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