Thursday, April 11, 2013

I am a Delinquent

Adventure Time with Autumn, Jesse, and Samuel! OR My Run-In with the Cops

The three of us decided that we didn't want to go home right away after eating out on Tuesday. So I suggested we go to a park I used to play tennis at and loved. We drove over, parked the car, I threw the keys at The Boy (I had no pockets), then we wandered over to the playground.

That was great fun. Outside of when I managed to slam my elbow on a metal bar. WE did a tire swing, slid down some pretty fun slides, climbed up a dragon. There were these things with cut-out faces, so I was a knight and the guys were princesses. At one point I thought Samuel was at the bottom of the playground, then saw boots above my head and freaked out. He moves scarily fast at times, I learned.

Then we went over to the wooden set and just sat and talked. Samuel and I have a story together, so we discussed that. Then we talked about weird (bad) impulses we have (Swerving into things with the car, stabbing things, kissing people) but don't give in to.

We were talking about church (ironically enough), when a car drove into the parking lot. J said it looked like a cop car. S went "it better not be." I thought "why would a cop be here? There are strip clubs elsewhere in the city." Then a light appeared, moving across the playground until it landed on us.

Not knowing what to do - it's not like we have police hunting us down on a regular basis - and because we had nothing to hide, we just sat there waiting to see what happened. Two cops happened, with huge flashlights flashing all over us and the area surrounding us.

Cop 1: So, what are you kids doing here?

Me: Just hanging out. I used to take tennis here and wanted to come back. Weird time, I know, but I miss this place.

Cop 1: You guys in school or anything? *begins completely searching every spare bit of mulch under where we are sitting, so he says this kinda off-handedly.*

Cop 2: *shines the light in each of our faces trying to blind us*

J: *shakes head*

M: Yeah. RCC.

S: Yup

Cop 1: Where are you guys from?

Cop 2: *stands there glaring at us like we just stole the coveted donut*

S: Five minutes up the street.

J: New Jersey

M: __(my town)_____

Cop 1: Do you have i.d. on you?

M: In my car.

S and J: Same

Cop 2: *points at S* You come with me.

S goes with Cop 2, probably trying really hard not to begin screaming as they walk away.

Cop 1: You are aware that I can arrest you, right?

J: *shakes his head* (ALSO: having a mini-heart attack. I was honestly surprised he didn't just begin gurgling the last few breaths of his life)

M: Nope.

Cop 1: Were you guys smoking anything tonight?

M: (trying hard not to laugh) Nope

Cop 1: Have you ever smoked anything before?

J: No, sir.

M: (IN MY HEAD: We are the most straight-edge people ever! J freaks out if he goes a mile above the speed limit!!) (some laughter snuck in) No.

Cop 1: Have you ever gotten in trouble before?

J: Well, I, um, got some speeding tickets.

M: *trying not to be completely sarcastic* Noooo.

Cop 1: Well, I'm going to have to see your id.

M: It's in my car. (like I already told you, you freaking numb-skull.)

As the three of us walk to my car, we pass Cop 2 and S. S has his arms straight out at his side. I seriously considered finding a way to protest the pat down. But I figured I better not convince this cop I was actually doing drugs. 

We get to the car, J takes out my keys and unlocks the car. We get our driving stuff, hand it to the guy.
 He comments on the fact I just got my license before telling us to take a seat and wait for him. So we chill in the car. I laugh as J fidgets like he really is on drugs. I am on the verge of hitting my head against the steering wheel when the guy comes back.

Cop 1: I need your addresses.

Despite the fact that he has them in his hand, we give them to him.

Cop: What's you social security number?

M: *opens mouth to say it. Can't remember. Makes a face like he asked me to take my shirt off*

Cop 1: That's fine then. I'll need your height and weight.

I don't know this either. So I made up some numbers.

Then he asks J and J tells him.

We wait some more.

S joins us.

S: Thankfully I remembered that I had the pocket knife in my pocket. How was your guy?

M: Well, we apparently can get arrested.

S: Yeah, I heard. Which would be ridiculous!

We go on like that until the cops come back and hand us our id's. There's  some strange green sheet wrapped around it. Oh beaver dam's made out of fudge.

Cop 1: You guys don't seem too suspicious (Oh really. We are three non-scary - or I am anyway. Unfortunately - straight-edge kids who get excited about church and have long conversations about God and stuff like that. Two of us are the biggest freaking nerds out there. One is wearing a classic video game shirt. We don't seem suspicious at all!), so we aren't taking you away in handcuffs down to the station. But we could. Instead you'll have to show up for court.

M: *glancing at the time and date* I have school. I can't miss my classes.

Cop 1: If you miss court there will be a warrant out for your arrest. You can try to reschedule, but I suggest talking to your teachers (Cause that won't be awkward at all). Don't do this again. *walks away*

I look down at the paper further. Out charges?

"Parks after Dark".

We have to go to court for something that sounds like Dr. Suess pretended to be a cop. And if we can't pay $100-$500, we get 15 days of jail. That will be fun to explain to anyone looking at our records.

What is my life?

1 comment:

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